Emergency Room Visits

When you find yourself in a situation that might merit a trip to the emergency room, ask yourself a few questions:

1. Is there exposed bone?
2. Will I bleed out in the next hour?
3. What time is kickoff?

Whenever possible, wait until kickoff.

When I find myself in need of medical care, I like to go to the emergency room the next day and I choose the hospital with the best flat screens. This way I get to watch the game and the doctors aren't wasting precious time fretting over my blood alcohol level instead of focusing their attention on what is actually ailing me. The afternoon crew also tend to be friendlier and more liberal with their prescription pads.